my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
