the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Randomize
