im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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