Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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