Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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