I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
