Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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