he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
