right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
