Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
