he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These tits shall not be calmed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
