Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can Purell be used as lube?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
