he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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