ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's like iHOP with fire
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
