were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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