btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
