the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
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