hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
