Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
please come you make the beer taste better
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
