when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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