lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
