Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
