So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
