ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
