so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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