I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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