i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
