It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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