That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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