the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
