It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
