i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
