You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
