oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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