no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
