saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
