OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
