I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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