Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
