I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
