Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
