I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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