You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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