I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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