Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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