mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
