are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
