so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
