i need an iv and a liver transplant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
