So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
